Yep it happened again tonight. Took the milk from the fridge, put it on the counter. Poured my cereal (only carb today)
into my mug and preceded to put the milk back in the fridge. Only to turn around to grab a mug full of dry cereal before even realizing what I’d done. Thus tonight’s title. I also find myself angry and frustrated at my man calling me “Flash” as yet another heat wave rushes from my body. Or chuckling when I forget completely what I was talking about; you know how men are! Ha! Maybe that was the point I was trying to make the other night when I said Men! Oh (realizing I’d totally lost the thought) then stood there for what seemed like forever until Roger laughed and mockingly said “Men O Pause” falling onto the couch in hysterics! Yeah, yeah, any woman familiar with the “Change of life” symptoms are probably laughing their asses off about now.
Well, actually I’m laughing too. Today anyway. The last 3 months I hadn’t been. I’ve been feeling like a train wreck. Scattered, mind murky and out of focus. My body doing all this weird shit. Sleeping disrupted. Face believing it is 15 again (only this time the zits I never had, found me). Going weeks feeling like I needed to cry without release. Only to spend the last 2 weeks emoting over freakin’ dog commercials.
But walking in our woods these last few days has helped me to slow down and get centered again. Nature is my favorite connection and reminder of our Universal source of energy. I am so thankful we have these 7 acres to roam about. I realized there have been many significant changes in our lives besides menopause
- my oldest son remarried after divorcing 6 months ago
- my youngest son left for CA, followed by my middle son (who lied to us for a year that he had terminal cancer)
- our youngest son (Roger’s son) is graduating this year and we’re struggling with the reality of the completely empty nest
- I went from a full time/excellent paying job to part time at 1/2 pay
- we’re still adjusting to the financial fall out to that decision
- I’d been feeling so displaced, unnecessary, helpless to my grown children
- and did I mention resistance, yes futile resistance to processes I cannot control
- and lastly let’s throw in 2 months of holiday stress
So I decided to go back to disciplines that I know work in my life. Daily exercise. Reading more, less media. Yoga and mindful breathing. Lots of H20, swimming. Laughing out loud with Roger; how blessed I am to have such a comical supporter as my mate! Doing the 3 day cleanse, reminding my body and emotions who exactly is running my life…NOT THEM! And the biggie…may I have a drum roll please!!!!!!!!! I’m beginning to embrace the changes in my reality! No more glaring at them. No more whining or kicking and pleading. Hell! I’m even beyond a side hug with a pat on the back accepting them.
I decided today I’m gonna welcome every change with a bear hug. Hugs are awesome! Think I’ll go hug up with that man Oh ….pause, that’s TMI. But hey when DAY 361 Documentation goes so well and progress is made I can have some fun! At least there won’t be any babies…..just 3 minutes, a big fan, 2 trips to pee later in the night and sweet ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ